American People Guess They’ll Let Trump Stay President After Seeing How Badly He Wants It

WASHINGTON—Shrugging their shoulders as they admitted it made no difference to them either way, the American people confirmed Monday that they guessed they would let Donald Trump remain president after seeing how badly he wants it. “Sure, whatever—he seems pretty upset, and honestly, we never thought he’d put up this much of a fuss about holding onto power,” said 43-year-old Pennsylvania resident Cameron Overmyer, echoing the sentiment of 323 million Americans who agreed the president could stay in the office indefinitely if it made him feel better. “Yeah, why not? Take another four years in the White House? Or eight years, frankly. We never thought it mattered that much, but, sure, go ahead. Just stop stressing out about it.” At press time, the American people added that they would be okay with Josh Hawley, too, if being president would shut him up.