Amazon Unveils New AmazonBasics Human Infant

SEATTLE—Pleased to share the latest item in their abundant lineup of private label essentials, Amazon unveiled a new AmazonBasics human infant, sources confirmed Friday. “As our offering of AmazonBasics products continues to expand, we are proud to help meet the high demand for human babies,” said Amazon spokesperson Stephanie Costa, who touted the $49.95 product as a low-cost alternative to couples producing a child on their own. “AmazonBasics babies will be identifiable by the AmazonBasics logo stamped onto their stomachs, and will be available in three different colors. In accordance with our policy, all AmazonBasics human infants can be returned within 30 days of receipt. Make sure you open the box as soon as you get it.” At press time, Amazon was receiving consumer complaints that the infants were bursting into flames.