Amazon Supervisor Delivers Rousing Speech To Employees About Honorably Laying Down Lives For Prime Day

THOUSAND OAKS, CA—Applauding workers for making the ultimate sacrifice, Amazon supervisor Todd Clark delivered a rousing speech to employees Tuesday about honorably laying down their lives for Prime Day. “Though your body may perish on your delivery route, your passing will ensure that the legacy of Prime Day lives on forever,” said Clark, who promised the warehouse staff that in death they would be heralded as martyrs for ensuring the orders of air fryers, leggings, and Alexas were fulfilled in a timely manner. “We shall deliver on the beaches, we shall deliver in the fields and in the streets, we shall deliver in the hills; we shall never delay shipment. From your ashes, Amazon will grow. Glory be to Bezos, and may God help you all.” At press time, Amazon management was actively covering up several employee deaths.