Local Insecure Pricks, Depressed Dads, And More: This Week In Local News March 16, 2024 Published: March 16, 2024 Woman At Suburban Bar Different Kind Of Drunk Staff Relies On Corporate Team-Building Skills While Disposing Of CEO’s Body Insecure Prick Immediately Talked Into Upgrade Depressed Dad Not Even Touching Rest Of Family’s Dinners ‘I Wish I Had Your Metabolism,’ Sighs Woman Seeing Garfield Swallow Whole Lasagna In One Gulp New Dispensary Promises Customers Tantalizing Taste Of The Forbidden Fruit That Is Marijuana Nutritionists Recommend Shaking Stomach While Yelling ‘Stop Being Hungry’ Owner Of Shuttered Hermit Crab Kiosk Probably Retired To Private Tropical Island Hitman Keeps Trying To Upsell Client On Dissolving Target’s Corpse In Vat Of Acid I See You, Report Sources Looking Through Empty Paper Towel Roll Advertising Kamala Harris Tours Abortion Clinic Continued on next page Related Coverage Ohioan Disturbed By Reports Of Haitians Eating Vegetables Woman With Disease Sent Article About Celebrity With Disease Mother Drunk Enough To Start Listing Names Of Miscarriages