Couple Saves Thousands On Wedding By Booking Venue For Wednesday At 3 A.M.
PHILADELPHIA—Impressing all with their financial savvy, local engaged couple Michelle Zwicker and Peter Elliott reportedly saved thousands of dollars on their wedding by booking their venue for 3 a.m. on a Wednesday.
Gun Owner Explains Why He Needs Weapon To Protect Self From Gun He Currently Holding Against Own Head
Like many Americans, Craig Hendricks was beginning to feel unsafe – both in public, and even in his own home. That’s when he decided to buy a firearm for self-defense. Today, Hendricks shares why he believes owning a gun may be the only way to truly protect himself from the gun he is currently holding against his own head.
Strung-Out Kindergartner Needs More Intense YouTube Videos Of Latvian Women Playing With Barbies Just To Feel Anything
COLUMBUS, OH—Stressing that she felt almost entirely numb as she entered her fourth hour of viewership, local kindergartner Amelia Sanders told reporters Wednesday that she needed increasingly intense YouTube videos of a Latvian woman playing with Barbies just to feel anything.
Florida Names Penis As Official State Genital
TALLAHASSEE, FL—With its legislature passing a resolution that cited the rich and significant history of the reproductive organ, Florida named the penis its official state genital on Wednesday.
Catholics Explain Why They Oppose Surrogacy
Pope Francis recently called surrogacy “deplorable” and “a grave violation” that exploits the birth mother and the unborn child. The Onion asked Catholics why they opposed surrogacy, and this is what they said.
