Gen Z Explains Why They Are ‘Resetting’ Their Virginity
Look, we’re not perverts. This is a real thing that members of Gen Z are doing. The Onion asked people in their late teens and 20s why they are “resetting” their virginity, and this is what they said.
Present For Mom Immediately Used To Make Dad Meal
GENEVA, IL—Thanking her two children profusely for the lovely and thoughtful gift, local mom Tammy Idles immediately used a birthday present Monday to make her husband a meal.
Ron DeSantis Going Door To Door To Beg Own Campaign Staff To Vote For Him
DES MOINES, IA—In a last-ditch effort to increase turnout for the crucial first-in-the-nation presidential contest, candidate Ron DeSantis reportedly went door-to-door Monday to beg his own campaign staff to vote for him.
Larsa Pippen Confirms She’s Dating Michael Jordan’s Gym Bag
MIAMI—Addressing the swirling rumors about her love interest being closely associated with her ex-husband Scottie Pippen’s former NBA teammate, reality television personality Larsa Pippen released a statement Monday confirming that she’s dating Michael Jordan’s gym bag.
Nursing Home Hires New Manager With 20 Years Of Elder Abuse Experience
BOSTON—Praising the 43-year-old’s lengthy record of misconduct and exploitation, local nursing home Sunrise Living reportedly hired manager Carl Strasberg Monday after discovering he had two decades of elder abuse experience.