Although Die Hard takes place on Christmas, Americans love to argue about whether the action film is a holiday movie or not. The Onion asked fans whether they thought the 1988 cult classic is a Christmas move or not, and this is what they said.
Harry Barron, Attorney
“Debating this is my only personality trait, so I hope it’s never resolved.”
Ruby Alvarado, X-Ray Technician
“It is because my stoned older brother told me it was when I was 8.”
Shane Perkins, Dancer
“Falling off Nakatomi Plaza is exactly how the real Santa died.”
Brandon Oliver, Sales Person
“No: Die Hard does not have a sufficient amount of Tim Allen to qualify as a Christmas movie.”
Will Deeter, Doctor
“Please stop procrastinating and let me tell you your test results.”
Logan Schumaker, Delivery Driver
“Some of my fondest holiday memories involve crawling through a vent to hide from Alan Rickman.”
Eric Araiza, Wedding Planner
“Any movie without Jewish characters is a Christmas movie in my book.”
John McTiernan, Director of ‘Die Hard’
“John McClane was actually written as a devout Muslim, but all the scenes showing him taking a break from saving the hostages to complete his daily prayers were cut from the final edit. Technically it’s more of an Eid al-Fitr movie.”
Heather Shane, Teacher
“Every movie is a Christmas movie because beautiful stories told on a giant screen are gifts we give ourselves.”
Eddie Nguyen, Waiter
“Beats me, I’m still undecided on Elf.”
Ethan Bertram, Third Grader
“Die Hard is a Christmas movie. This is for three big reasons. The first reason is because there is Santa in it. Santa is the president of Christmas, and he is very important. The second reason is because it happens on Christmas. This is one of the most important reasons why it is a Christmas movie. Lastly, there are Santa hats, which are hats you wear to pretend to be the president of Christmas named Santa. These are the reasons Die Hard is a Christmas movie.”
Emily Brown, Professor
“Die Hard was originally a pagan movie known as Towering Inferno, but early Christian theatergoers adopted it as their own.”
Ben Cohen, Construction Worker
“I’d consider it more of a Hanukkah movie because of a menorah visible in the background at the 01:12:17 mark.”
Monica Woods, Venture Capitalist
“The only authentic Christmas movie is Deck The Halls with Danny DeVito and Matthew Broderick.”
Will Bauer, Attorney
“What is the holiday season without Alan Rickman being up to no good?”
Kevin Reese, Pastor
“A lot of people don’t know this, but the plot of Die Hard is based on the Bible.”
Michael Donato, Teacher
“Whatever answer will make people think I’m a provocateur.”
