Dad Spends Most Of Phone Call Praising New Bucket

AUSTIN, TX—Describing the plastic 5-gallon container as “a real stunner,” local father Edward Nielsen reportedly spent most of a phone call with his son Andrew on Monday praising a newly acquired bucket. “It’s a quality bucket, and comfortable to grip too,” said the retiree, refusing to let his son get a word in as he raved over the bucket, which he noted also came with its own high-quality lid. “The best of both worlds. You remember the bucket I had last year, don’t you? That one wasn’t as good. It didn’t have the same capacity. This one’s much better. I wonder if I should have bought a second one. I’ll tell you what, I’m going to go back to the store tomorrow and get another one for myself and one for you, too.” At press time, sources confirmed Nielsen was ignoring questions about how Mom’s surgery went to tout the bucket’s durability.