8-Year-Old Makes Adorable Presentation To Parents About Why He Needs Gun To Kill Classmates

BOCA RATON, FL—Claiming that owning the weapon would teach him about responsibility, local 8-year-old Dylan Ellis made an adorable presentation to his parents Tuesday about why he needed a gun to kill his classmates. “Mom, Dad, as you can see, I do all my chores and I get good grades, so I more than deserve to have my own rifle to shoot everyone who has ever wronged me,” said Ellis, using construction paper and colorful crayon drawings to outline exactly what kind of gun he wanted, who he wanted to use it to kill, and why they deserved to die by his hand. “I’ve done the math, and buying me a Winchester Wildcat 22 LR Semi-Auto Rifle would only cost $250, which is only 25 weeks of allowance. Please, please, please! I really, really want to put a bullet through the brains of my bullies and my teacher. And if you buy me the gun, I promise I won’t shoot you.” At press time, Ellis had successfully won over his parents after he promised to share it with his little brother after he was done using it to murder his classmates and teachers.