State Department Issues Travel Warning For Americans Visiting Chili’s

WASHINGTON—Recommending that U.S. citizens exercise extreme caution if they plan to make the trip, the State Department issued a travel warning Wednesday for every American visiting Chili’s. “The travel advisory for the family restaurant specializing in American and Tex-Mex-inspired cuisine has been raised to level 3 due to the heightened risks U.S. citizens face there,” the alert read in part, cautioning travelers who enter the casual dining chain to stay in the Guiltless Grill area of the menu and avoid the Smokehouse Combo completely. “We strongly urge Americans to alter their plans accordingly and steer clear of any Triple Dipper appetizer variation because of the substantial threats they pose to Americans. We remind citizens that the State Department cannot guarantee safety to anyone who interacts with a Big Mouth Burger and that several Americans have already fallen victim to the Double Old Timer with Cheese.” At press time, the State Department had raised the travel advisory to level 4 after several panicked Chili’s patrons were seen rushing toward the bathroom following sudden attacks from eating various entrées.