Woman Concerned About How Many Empty Calories She Ingesting From Microplastics

DURHAM, NC—Saying she wanted to be more mindful of what she consumed, local woman Lydia Murphy expressed concern Monday over how many empty calories she was ingesting from microplastics. “I eat them all the time, but apparently they have little-to-no nutritional value,” the 32-year-old said upon learning the dietary content of the microscopic plastic fragments she was constantly ingesting, admitting that because they were so small, she probably tended to overindulge. “I’m pretty sure the 52,000 particles of plastic that I eat every year are way beyond what’s appropriate. It seems harmless to have just a few thousand nonbiodegradable toxic chemicals here or there, but empty calories like that can really add up on the scale. Obviously, it’ll be hard to cut out fish, cooking with Teflon, using beauty products, and drinking tap water, but I need to weigh indulgences like that against having a beach body.” At press time, Murphy resolved to only make heartier and more substantial chunks of plastic part of her diet moving forward.