Biden’s second State of the Union has already generated a fair share of controversy, covering hot-button issues like inflation, police brutality, and rising tensions with China. The Onion asked Republicans what they thought of the address, and this is what they said.
Kevin McCarthy, Speaker Of The House
“I liked when he called me Mr. Speaker.”
Henrietta Scholl, Border Patrol Agent
“That mask was so realistic-looking it almost made me think the real Joe Biden was talking.”
Samantha Jiménez, Cashier
“He’s a puppet of the deep state spouting pedophilic indoctrination, but he’s just so goddamn hot that you can’t not watch.”
Laura Ingraham, Fox News Host
“Naturally, he didn’t even take the blame for everything that’s gone wrong in the history of this country.”
Alexandra Frenzick, Ski Instructor
“I find it highly suspicious that he didn’t spend the entire speech talking about his son’s laptop.”
Benjamin Peterson, Retired
“When’s this coward gonna cut my Medicare benefits?”
Ted Cruz, Texas Senator
“Having a sign language interpreter there made America look weak.”
Rob Hartke, Electrician
“I don’t support Biden’s liberal policy of interrupting Tuesday night’s NCIS rerun.”
Chris Welles, Dairy Farmer
“Not once did he mention the beauty and milk-producing capacity of the regal Holstein cow.”
Roberta Gibson, Warehouse Worker
“Would it kill him to wear a tuxedo?”
Mike Braun, Indiana Senator
“He talked about income inequality as if it were bad.”
Telly Gerhardt, EMT
“It should be Trump up there as president touting all of the Biden administration’s successes.”
Susan Collins, Maine Senator
“I’d like to speak to my lobbyists before I say anything on the record.”
Josh Hawley, Missouri Senator
“I almost wore the same suit as Biden. Can you imagine how gay we would have looked?”
Emilia Saunders, Nurse
“Not enough warmongering for my tastes.”
Gregg Park, Landscaper
“I might’ve trusted him more if he’d conceded that not everything’s perfect and that he’s leading an army of groomers to sexually enslave our children.”
Marjorie Taylor Greene, Georgia Representative
“President Trump never would have given a State of the Union address when he was in office.”
Charles Koch, CEO, Koch Industries
“I can’t believe I was ever worried we’d lose 2024 to this guy!”
