Winklevoss Twins Spend Joyous Afternoon Jerking Each Other Off

NEW YORK—Following reports of the first-ever mass layoffs at Facebook parent company Meta, sources confirmed identical twins Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss spent a joyous Wednesday afternoon jerking each other off. “Make pleasure of me as we rejoice in Zuckerberg’s demise, my dear brother,” Tyler Winklevoss said as he stared unblinkingly into his brother’s eyes and they slowly masturbated each other in perfect unison. “Ah, revenge is sweet, but not as sweet as your soft caress of my turgid member. Hark! What a gift it is to share the ecstasy of comeuppance with family. Stroke, stroke! Just as we did on the rowing team.” At press time, the Winklevoss twins’ erections were reportedly getting more engorged with each repetition of the chant “Mark is dead.”