Since Mary Peltola’s defeat of Sarah Palin in a ranked-choice election for Alaska’s congressional seat, many Republicans have publicly and emphatically denounced the practice. The Onion asked Republicans why they oppose ranked-choice, and this is what they said.
Ann Coulter (Media Pundit)
“It requires thoughtful analysis and consideration for each of the candidates, which would be a disaster for Republicans.”
Ted Cruz (Senator, Texas)
“How does it even work? Do you use a pen? A voting booth? At a polling place? On Election Day? No one can explain these things.”
Mitch McConnell (Senator, Kentucky)
“We’re trying to let people have fewer votes, not more.”
Marco Rubio (Senator, Florida)
“Politics just gets so ugly when we have to compete with other candidates.”
Susan Collins (Senator, Maine)
“As the GOP’s unpredictable swing voter, you might be surprised to hear that I have the exact same stance as the entire Republican Party.”
Clarence Thomas (Supreme Court Justice)
“We’ve already chosen the next three American presidents.”
Ron DeSantis (Governor, Florida)
“It’s an overly complicated process that makes rigging elections that much harder.”
Lindsey Graham (Senator, South Carolina)
“Because I’d just write Trump in for every spot and I don’t want him coming in second to himself.”
Chris Licht (CEO of CNN)
“I’m not stating my political affiliation, but I will see how this affects Republican candidates before directing my on-air panelists to absolutely tear it to pieces.”
Josh Hawley (Senator, Missouri)
“It seems like it would be real easy to cheat when you let the will of the people prevail like that.”
Pat Toomey (Senator, Pennsylvania)
“It’s unfair to make me pick. I love all of the candidates equally.”
Joni Ernst (Senator, Iowa)
“It seems like magic. And the only magic I support is from a magician named Christ.”
Ben Sasse (Senator, Nebraska)
“My book club tried ranked-choice. We ended up reading The Goldfinch, and it sucked.”
Shepard Smith (Fox News Anchor)
“I don’t see any point in it. Typically, Donald Trump only endorses one candidate per election.”
Roy Blunt (Senator, Missouri)
“Knowing that people could rank me last would hurt my feelings.”
Tom Cotton (Senator, Arkansas)
“It’s a time-honored American tradition to make high-speed uninformed decisions and be forced to live with the consequences.”
Nikki Haley (Former Governor of South Carolina)
“Voting shouldn’t be turned into a game that favors the few, unless those few are also Republicans.”
Kevin McCarthy (House Minority Leader)
“To be honest, I’m not all that crazy about regular-choice voting.”
Chuck Grassley (Senator, Iowa)
“Where does the vote go after you vote it? You know it’s fake because you can’t tell me that.”
Jim Inhofe (Senator, Oklahoma)
“There’s no point in ranking politicians. We’re all the same.”
