Insurance Company Swears They’ll Get The Next Round

BLOOMFIELD, CT—Urging their client to cover all of the expenses related to their medical condition just this one last time, insurance company Cigna reportedly swore Monday that they’ll definitely get the next round. “Listen, if you grab this one, we’ll pick up the next bill for sure,” said an official from the Fortune 500 company, claiming they were just a little strapped for cash at the moment but expected things to turn around any day now, when they’d happily splurge on any and all medical debt that arises. “You get this MRI, and we’ll get you back next year when it’s time for a mammogram, most likely—you just have to remind us, because you know how forgetful we are. But don’t freak out if we don’t respond right away, we’re really busy for the next few months. Come on, you know we’re good for it—we’ve known each other how many years now?” A Cigna representative assured the client it would definitely all even out over time.