More couples are opting to have a friend or family member officiate a wedding rather than a member of the clergy, but that can put pressure on the officiant to make sure the ceremony goes smoothly. The Onion offers helpful tips for officiating a wedding.
Mention up top that you’re not clergy so everyone knows this is just for show and doesn’t really count.
Order T-shirt that says “minister.”
If outdoors, openly dare God to ruin this blessed gathering.
Flash a gun early on to deter any ex-lovers thinking of objecting.
Avoid rolling your eyes at the groom when you get to the part about being faithful.
Drop in words like “wedding” and “officiant” to make your speech SEO-friendly.
Make sure your speech is a balanced mix of heartfelt stories about the couple and timely political takes.
Limit ad breaks to no more than three in a half-hour service.
Don’t get caught up in the moment and kiss the bride or groom yourself.
Remember, there’s a huge chance their marriage won’t work out, so decide now whose side you’re on.
