Surprised Brian Kemp Assumed Pence Died On Jan. 6

KENNESAW, GA—Shocked to hear the former vice president had appeared at a recent rally for his campaign, Georgia governor Brian Kemp told reporters Tuesday that he thought Mike Pence had died on Jan. 6. “Wait, I thought that guy was shot or trampled to death or something at the Capitol—are you sure it’s the same Mike Pence?” said a stunned Kemp, who noted that while he was happy to have Pence’s endorsement, he could have sworn he had seen a widely circulated video of the man being beaten to death with a baseball bat. “But isn’t he the one everyone’s been calling ‘the slain vice president’? I’m sorry, this just doesn’t add up. He was definitely, at the very least, in a coma for several months. I need to check Snopes. Did his taxidermied corpse endorse me? Or did the endorsement come from beyond the grave?” At press time, Kemp reportedly shrieked after seeing a picture from the rally of Pence standing beside him.