Urban Overplanner Issues Minute-By-Minute Daily Schedule For Each Of City’s Residents

SEATTLE—Rigorously highlighting various times, locations, and transit routes on a large stack of itineraries, urban overplanner Gary Wilkins told reporters he had issued minute-by-minute daily schedules Monday for each of Seattle’s residents. “Alright Seattle, pay attention, because I’ve spent the past few months assigning all 3.5 million of you to various morning, afternoon, and night activities,” said Wilkins, who added that per his agenda, the entire population would have to wake up at 7 a.m., eat a big breakfast, and then get out into the city and enjoy their day until approximately 10 p.m., at which point it was lights out. “You’ll notice that tomorrow’s 15-hour block is split into various categories, including walking, biking, driving, resting, relaxing, learning, and eating. Please, respect the schedule, including your specified bathroom breaks, because assigning each of you to Seattle’s 78 neighborhoods, 237 bus routes, and 2,300 restaurants was not easy. Now come on! Who wants to have fun?” At press time, Wilkins could be seen screaming at 1.5 million Seattle residents who threw out their itineraries and just went to bars to get drunk.