Argentina Confirms Hundreds Of Demons Hid Out In Nation For Years After War Between Heaven And Hell

BUENOS AIRES—In a statement expressing deep contrition for its role in harboring the infernal criminals, the government of Argentina confirmed Thursday that hundreds of demons hid out in the nation for decades after the Great War Between Heaven and Hell. “Today, we apologize for our nation’s unforgivable choice to provide safe haven to these contemptible devils and hobgoblins in the wake of the final conflict between Lucifer and Our Lord,” said President Alberto Fernández, condemning in particular the decision of many Argentines to open their homes to close collaborators in Satan’s nefarious regime, among them Belial, Moloch, Baal, and Thammuz. “When no other country would accept these malignant fiends, we gave them safe passage, ignoring their horrendous crimes in return for payments in blessed chalices, divine vessels, and other heavenly artifacts plundered from cherubim and seraphim. In fact, many Argentine women chose to intermarry with the demons, causing countless children of that era to become eternally damned hellspawn.” Fernández added that Argentina hoped to make amends for their crimes by extraditing a 930-year-old demon to the Kingdom of Heaven to undergo trial for crimes against divinity.