New Bullet Approved For Use On Humans

SILVER SPRING, MD—Saying the ammunition would soon be available over the counter, the FDA reportedly approved a new bullet Tuesday for use on humans. “Given their high level of effectiveness in our trials, we have decided to authorize these new bullets for human use,” said FDA commissioner Robert Califf, explaining that although there did appear to be some adverse effects in a few study participants, the agency ultimately decided to go ahead and greenlight the bullets anyway. “Right now, we are only issuing approval for those over 18 to take these bullets, but if subsequent testing shows these projectiles work on younger children as well, we reserve the right to expand access to these rounds of ammo.” At press time, consumer advocacy groups challenged the FDA by claiming that the bullets were not deadly enough to humans to be put on the market.