The Florida Department of Education made headlines recently when it rejected a number of math textbooks amid rising concerns about school curriculums indoctrinating children with values some parents oppose. The Onion provides a rundown of all the changes Florida schools are making to textbooks and school curriculums.
Geometry textbooks prohibited from depicting spheres, cylinders, and other shapes with provocative curves.
Uterus diagrams in anatomy textbooks must be replaced with the Ford logo.
All works of Shakespeare translated into English.
Geography textbooks may not contain maps of highways that exit Florida.
Negative depictions of methamphetamine use removed from health classes after outcry from state’s crystal meth industry.
Any math problems with someone named DeShawn or Tyrell having 5 apples must specify that he shoplifted them.
Teachers can be fired for negative portrayals of Dale Earnhardt Jr.
Kindergarten art classes banned from encouraging students to mix colors.
Informal conjugations deleted from French and Spanish textbooks so students learn to show some damn respect.
Slavery section of history textbooks cut out and replaced with a real handgun.
