Man Who Can Fire You At Any Time Insists You Call Him By First Name

YOUR WORKPLACE—Making the proclamation shortly after releasing your hand from his sweaty grip, a man who can fire you at any time reportedly insisted Wednesday that you call him by his first name. “Please, call me Tom,” said the man who could shatter your livelihood and rob you of affordable medical care on a whim, who with one half-formed decision made as the result of other actions that had nothing to do with you could send your family into poverty. “There’s no need to be so formal. We’re all friends here.” At press time, the man who does not care one iota what you think and considers your employment at best a necessary evil on his own path to amassing a fortune stated that his door was always open.