Report: Incredible Thrill Of Shooting White Rhino And Watching It Die In Danger Of Extinction

TUCSON, AZ—Urging immediate action to safeguard the fun of killing exotic animals, a report out Thursday from Safari Club International stated that the incredible thrill of shooting a white rhinoceros and watching it die was in danger of extinction. “If we do not act quickly and decisively, our children will never experience the majesty of seeing the life disappear from a white rhino’s eyes,” said Laird Hamberlin, CEO of the hunting advocacy group, explaining that as stewards of the planet, humankind had an obligation to preserve the exhilarating rush that comes from putting a bullet into the skull of “such a magnificent creature” while on vacation in the South African savanna. “The coming years will be crucial if we hope to save the pure joy of massacring a white rhino and watching it lie there in the grass, slowly bleeding out. We do not want the great tradition of putting one’s arm around a white rhino corpse and smiling for a photo that will be posted on social media to one day vanish from the planet.” Hamberlin added that it may soon be too late to rescue the sense of overweening self-importance one feels when mounting the head of a dead rhinoceros, hanging it on a wall, and referring to it as a trophy.