The recent leak of documents dubbed the “Pandora Papers” revealed the largest number of offshore assets in history. The Onion answers key questions about the Pandora Papers.
Q: What are the Pandora Papers? A: 10 million documents revealing what chumps the middle class are for paying taxes.
Q: How will the leaks affect implicated politicians? A: Analysts expect those listed in the papers to be embarrassed about it for a day or two.
Q: Please, please tell me Azerbaijani president Ilham Aliyev isn’t mixed up in all this? A: Unfortunately, he is.
Q: Has the reporter who broke this story been murdered yet? A: No, you’re thinking of the Panama Papers.
Q: Why is South Dakota named as a tax haven? A: For its lush, spacious ditches that are excellent for hiding cash.
Q: Should the rest of us pay taxes until this is sorted out? A: Probably not!
Q: Is everyone on the list evading taxes? A: Of course not; some are laundering drug money.
Q: According to IRS Tax Code Part 8, Subpart C, §1.220, isn’t it all perfectly legal? A: Yes, Senator.
Q: Will anything happen from this leak?A: One or two solid docudramas in 2023.
