Let’s face it, your boss has had it out for you since the day you got hired and immediately fucked up everything you ever touched. Here are several signs you are about to get fired.
Your Boss Keeps Talking About How There Will Be No Cuts
There is no surer sign someone will be fired than their boss adamantly promising no one will be fired.
H.R. Comes To Your Desk To Smash Your Computer
Yikes. Might want to start touching up that resume. On a personal laptop, of course.
Your Workload Has Gotten Lighter, Heavier, O
Any of these is a clear signal that you’re about to get canned.
Coworkers Begin Scavenging Your Belongings
Attempting to swipe your ergonomic desk chair while you’re still sitting in it can be a sign that they know something you don’t.
You’re Being Treated Like A Ghost
Your superiors pretend not to see you or just refer to you as a strange cold spot in the corner of the conference room.
Your Boss Starts Being Really Nice To You
That weaselly motherfucker only feels joy when he’s about to crush someone, and there’s no way he can hide it now.
Your Job Gets Posted Online And The Only Requirement Is The Applicant Must Be Better Than You
Not only is your current job posted online, but it shows your full name, a head shot, and lists exactly why you suck.
Your Family Photos Are Gradually Being Swapped Out
If suddenly a picture of someone else’s kid is in a frame on your desk, someone might be trying to give you a hint.
You’re Suddenly Off The Company Rowing Team
Never a good sign when out of nowhere you’re not asked to participate in the next corporate regatta.
Vultures Begin Circling The Sky Over Your Cubicle
Whether they smelled decay or merely saw you dragging your carcass to your desk like a wounded gazelle, they know you’re done.
Your Office Slowly Turns Into An Exercise Room
When free weights, a medicine ball, and a treadmill suddenly appear in your cubicle, your company is definitely ready to move on without you.
Your Computer Keys Are Replaced With Sharp Spikes That Pierce Your Fingers
They may be trying to get you to quit first.
It’s Been Ages Since You And The Executive Board Had Sex
It used to be passionate and nearly constant. Now, you can’t even get a smile from a single vice president.
A Giant Resume Eclipses The Sun
Powerful omens such as this are reliable indicators that you’ll be looking for work very, very soon.
Your Boss Calls Your Parents To Tell Them How Bad You’ve Been Doing At Work
You better shape up, or you’re going to be trouble in the office and at home.
You’re Consistently Amazed That Nobody Has Caught On To Your Ruse
If you’ve found a way to continue to receive a paycheck without doing any work, it’s your duty to fly under that radar as long as possible.
You Get Hired
It is impossible to get fired from a job without first getting hired for it.
Your Boss Starts Crying And Is Seen Holding A Shotgun
Anyone who’s seen Old Yeller knows where this is going.
When You Show Up To Your Desk, A Different Person Named Dave Who Everybody Already Seems To Know Is Sitting There
Come to think of it, you may have actually been fired a few weeks ago.
