Economic Report Finds Majority Of Americans Could Afford To Toss Couple Bucks Our Way To Keep Us From Going Under

WASHINGTON—Touting the increasing share of residents with enough disposable income to save a cultural institution, a new economic report from the Zweibel Research Institute issued Friday found that the majority of Americans could afford to toss a couple of bucks our way to keep us from going under. “Our findings indicate that given current gains in the job market and rising consumer confidence overall, almost two-thirds of Americans could at least toss us some loose change so we can keep the lights on around here,” said lead researcher Jake LeBon, confirming that even those Americans who had been laid off within the past six months could expend 5, 10, or 20 dollars to help our award-winning team of reporters keep bringing you the same trusted coverage that you’ve grown to depend on. “For the first time since the coronavirus pandemic began, we’re seeing a plurality of middle-class households with enough cash on hand to help swell the coffers of the hardworking employees of America’s Finest News Source, and these trends continue for wealthy Americans, with the richest 5% now easily able to afford purchasing the entire publication wholesale.” LeBon added that not all the economic news was so positive, noting that the majority of funds sent our way would likely go towards putting an addition on our CEO’s beach house in Martha’s Vineyard.