Report: Loneliness Most Common Amongst Americans No One Wants To Be Around

DENVER—Determining that state of distress was frequently caused by being a total drag, a report published Tuesday by researchers at the University of Colorado revealed that loneliness was most common amongst Americans no one wants to be around.“Our research found a strong link between social isolation and being a boring pain in the ass incapable of forming meaningful connections,” said head researcher Grace Skog, explaining that with few exceptions almost everyone who has ever felt withdrawn or abandoned did so because no one would ever want to waste their time getting close to such a dull loser. “These empty feelings were especially compounded in subjects by factors such as ruining any conversation with their utter lack of charisma and, just to put it bluntly, sucking as a human being. So, if you experience alienation, this condition clearly indicates that you are not worth knowing.” Skog added that these findings would help Americans determine which people to avoid just by seeing who around them seemed lonely.