Study Finds No Greater Sign Of Delusion Than Sending Coworkers Your Personal Email On Last Day

BALTIMORE—In a new study published Friday in the Journal Of Abnormal Psychology, researchers at Johns Hopkins University concluded there was no greater sign of delusion than when, on your last day of work, you send coworkers your personal email address in hopes of keeping in touch. “The belief that any of your colleagues might possibly want to contact you after you have left your job suggests a complete psychotic break consistent with a profound delusional disorder,” said psychologist and study co-author Joseph Lee, who cited data indicating that more than 99% of people receiving such emails would not want to hang out with you in any setting, social or professional. “This condition is even more severe than what we see in individuals who believe that they are the only person in the universe, or that they are the second coming of Jesus Christ. Those afflicted with this delusion truly believe that after years in which they seldom exchanged more than a perfunctory “good morning” and never spend time together outside the office, their coworkers would actually take the time to copy and paste their email address into their personal contacts for future correspondence. This fantasy of self-importance is bizarre, unhinged, and, at present, untreatable.” At press time, a reportedly delusional Lee was seen passing out his phone number in case anyone wanted to grab a beer later and talk more about the study.