American Girl Shutters Business After Doing All The Types of Girls

MIDDLETON, WI—Having completed what it set out to do when it launched its line of dolls 35 years ago, American Girl announced Monday it had halted all production and shuttered its retail locations after determining it had done all the types of girls. “Rich girl, poor girl, black girl, white girl—as far as I can tell, we’ve done every iteration of girl, so now seems like the right time to call it quits,” CEO Barbarella Coates said of the upscale toy brand, which typically charges $150 or more for dolls that have reportedly included such types as a horseback-riding girl, an aspiring-gymnast girl, a girl who’s into fashion, a girl who uses a wheelchair, a girl who’s an only child, a blue-haired skater girl, an animal-lover girl, and all the other kinds of girls. “If any additional types of girls were to come to our attention, we might reconsider our decision, but honestly, we seem to have it covered. We did a Jewish girl, a Korean American girl, an Irish girl. Hell, we even did a boy.” At press time, a spokesperson for American Girl declined comment when it was brought to their attention that the company had never made an overweight girl doll.