Woman Feeling Pressure To Settle Down With Man Just Because He’s Protagonist In Romantic Comedy

NEW YORK—Frustrated that their eventual coupling was taken as a given, local woman Ashley Williams was reportedly feeling pressure Monday to settle down with city planner Ted Bishop just because he’s the protagonist in a romantic comedy. “To be honest, I’ve only spoken to Ted once for less than a minute at that art gallery opening, but now everyone’s acting like the two of us are meant to be just because that’s what the narrative demands,” said Williams, pointing to a lack of shared interests, age difference, and no chemistry beyond a mutual attractiveness as a few of the reasons she was skeptical about a relationship with the film’s main character. “It’s not like he’s put in a lot of effort or done anything in particular to win me over, but with everything pushing us in that direction, I can’t help but wonder if I should just give in. I mean, what are my other options for romance anyway—my zany coworkers? My lousy ex who cheated on me with my roommate in Act One? Plus, it’s not like I’m going to be around forever—the credits will be here in 45 minutes or so and then, boom, that’s it.” At press time, Williams had committed wholeheartedly to Ted after realizing that love is race you can’t run by yourself.