Paleontologists Unearth Rare, Mint-Condition Triceratops Skull In Goodwill Bin

YONKERS, NY—Touting the groundbreaking discovery as the deal of a lifetime, paleontologists from Columbia University announced Wednesday that they had unearthed a rare, mint-condition triceratops skull in a bin at a local Goodwill. “We have uncovered what we believe to be one of the earliest ceratopsid skulls still in existence, with almost zero wear and tear and some very light staining that can easily be polished off,” said lead researcher Allen Marida, confirming that the revolutionary find had occurred quite by accident after his scientific team stopped by the thrift store to browse around for some bowls for their office kitchen. “At first I thought it was just a run-of-the-mill Pliocene bison skull, which are a dime a dozen, but when I took a closer look and realized this was bonafide triceratops I just about lost it. And what’s even more impressive is that this specimen has the wider beak and slightly stubbier rostral bone which got completely scrapped early on, meaning this skull is definitely from the original run of the Ceratopsidae species. I almost feel bad because the Goodwill cashier was only asking 10 bucks for the whole thing so he clearly had no idea what he was sitting on.” Marida added that incredibly the triceratops skull was not even the most significant find of the day, noting that a member of his team had discovered a Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan record still in its original shrink wrap.