Report: Someone’s Got A Big Birthday Coming Up

PHOENIX—In an effusive acknowledgement that a particular person would soon be reaching the annual milestone, a report issued Monday suggested someone around here has a very big birthday coming up. “While we won’t say who, rumor has it a certain somebody’s special day will be arriving before you know it,” the report stated in part, stressing that the source of this information was every bit as excited as the birthday boy or girl about the upcoming festivities, and possibly even more so. “A little bird told us this person is about to turn a year older, and plans are being made to ensure they celebrate the big day in style! Apparently, there’s going to be quite a party, and we’ll need them to blow out the candles on a yummy cake and open up some pretty cool presents. For now, though, we just want them to know how glad we are that they were born.” The report went on to say that because the year had been a little tough financially, the guest of honor would need to share the big bash with their sister, who also has a birthday this month.