Appeals Court Opens Across The Street From Regular Court To Drum Up Business

INDIANAPOLIS—Hopeful the new location would soon help the number of cases skyrocket, judges from the U.S. Court of Appeals confirmed Thursday that they had opened an appellate court across the street from a regular U.S. District Court to drum up business. “It’s perfect—people will be coming out after their court date thinking ‘Huh, I should appeal,’ and wham—there we are,” said circuit judge Brenda Foley, who anticipated the court’s strategic location, along with a clerk standing outside in a Statue of Liberty costume twirling a corrugated plastic sign, would bring in hundreds of new defendants looking to appeal the verdict of their lost fraud, medical malpractice, or homicide trials. “The last thing people who were just in court want to do is go out of their way to a different court, but we’ll be right there. Don’t like the decision? Mosey across the street. That’s how you hook the suckers. It’s all about location, location, location. Business was slow for a bit, but it sure won’t be anymore.” At press time, Foley added the court would also offer check-cashing services.