‘And These Are My Nobel Peace Prizes,’ Says Trump, Gesturing Toward Room Of Plastic Trophies

WASHINGTON—Leading a White House guest on a tour of the Executive Residence, President Donald Trump was overheard Tuesday saying, “And these are my Nobel Peace Prizes,” as he gestured toward a room filled with what appeared mostly to be youth athletic trophies. “This one is for my foreign policy, and these two are the biggest Nobel Peace Prizes, which they give out for the economy,” said Trump, directing his guest’s attention toward a small plastic sculpture of a bowling ball, a pinewood derby trophy from 1995, a coffee mug with the words “Nobel Prize” written in black marker, and a gold-colored figurine of a child practicing karate. “A lot of people don’t know I was the first person to win 150 Peace Prizes in a single year. It’s an incredible accomplishment to achieve—the best ever. Humanity should be very proud. They don’t give a Nobel Peace Prize for swimming every year, but they do when they see someone who really deserves it. Pretty impressive, huh?” Trump reportedly went on to show his guest a Subway rewards card, explaining that the Nobel Committee now just stamped it each time he received a Peace Price because he had already won all the trophies.