World Leaders Eagerly Await As G7 Organizers Announce Raffle Drawing For Nintendo Switch

BIARRITZ, FRANCE—As the three-day global conference drew to a close, the world leaders present at the G7 summit eagerly waited Monday as the event’s organizers announced the raffle drawing for a Nintendo Switch. “Oh man, I’ve been wanting a Switch so bad, and Parliament won’t give me any money to buy one, so I put almost all my raffle tickets in that bucket,” said a hopeful Canadian prime minister Justin Trudeau, who dismissed accusations that he had acquired additional raffle tickets from German chancellor Angela Merkel in exchange for an exclusive trade deal between their two countries as a way to increase his chances at landing the grand prize. “The Switch is really sweet because you can play it at home or in the car, or on the plane for my long trip back home to Canada. Plus, it comes with Breath Of The Wild, which I’ve wanted to play ever since it came out. I think I deserve it, too, since I didn’t win the $50 Hard Rock Café gift card or the beach towels. Also, the Canadian prime minister hasn’t won the best raffle prize since Stephen Harper got that sweet Nikon D90 SLR camera way back in 2008. So I hope I win. I swear, if that idiot [French president Emmanuel] Macron gets the Switch, I’m going to be so pissed. This is the prize everyone’s been waiting three days for. They have to have really cool raffle prizes at all the G7s, otherwise no one would show up.” At press time, a furious Trudeau had screamed, “This is bullshit!” and stomped out of the conference room after the G7 organizers announced that the winner of the Nintendo Switch raffle was U.K. prime minister Boris Johnson.