Woman Forced To Do Some Detective Work After Obituary For Dead Classmate Leaves Off Cause Of Death

MOLINE, IL—Mystified by the lack of detail and speculating on the possible reasons for the same, local woman Jennifer Wallach was forced to do some detective work Monday when the obituary for a recently deceased high school classmate omitted the cause of his death. “Why would they just leave out how he died like that?” said Wallach, scrolling through the Facebook page of the late 26-year-old in the hopes of finding some condolence postings that contained clues before Googling his name to see if any local news outlets had perhaps covered it. “Shit. Maybe there’s a posting about it from his church, like, if suicide is a thing for them. Nope, still nothing.” After a few more minutes of fruitless internet use, Wallach received a text from a mutual friend who informed her that his older brother heard from a classmate’s mom that it “looks like a substance-abuse thing.”