You will be unable to shake the feeling that Latin pop is the next big thing.
It’s time to come to terms with your less-than-perfect childhood. After all, you did get to meet Robin Ventura during his tour of minimum-security group homes.
A magical world of sensual enjoyment will come to your door this week, provided your check is from a local bank and numbered above 1000.
You should quit telling people that God is your co-pilot. You know damn well He just works the radio set.
The sun in your sign indicates that you shouldn’t go outside and look directly at your sign until a few hours have passed.
Fortune is yours this week: You’ve been pre-approved for the exciting new Virgo Platinum Card with Double Cashback Bonus!
A brief period of confusion over the words “horizontal” and “vertical” will screw up your TV picture for hours.
You will be given a new reason to believe in ancient astronauts when you see Buzz Aldrin on the news. He looks about 102, for chrissakes.
Your ability to discern among monkeys, apes, chimps and mandrills will come in handy when you tell the zookeeper exactly what happened.
Be more sensitive to people’s needs this week. For instance, nursing students chained in one’s basement need food, water and access to restroom facilities.
Friday will find you lost and alone in a world you never made. Try to ignore the feeling until you can get back to the office on Monday.
You will once again try and fail to sleep your way to the top of K2, the world’s second-highest mountain.
