Retailers across the nation are opening their doors earlier than ever ahead of Black Friday to get customers in the aisles. Here are some deals and bargains stores have unveiled for the biggest shopping day of the year:
Foot Locker: Extra 10 yards of laces with the purchase of any pair of Adidas basketball sneakers
Barnes & Noble: Baby changing station loose enough to be ripped off wall
San Diego Zoo: 30 percent discount on gorilla habitats
Pottery Barn: Buy any one beige item and get a second item of equal or lesser beige at 50 percent off
Yankee Candle: Free home installation on all candle purchases
Uber: For no extra charge, all drivers will drop you off five miles past your requested destination
GarbageBagFullOfGrapes.Com: 40 percent off of garbage bags filled with grapes
Home Depot: Kids eat free
Audubon Society: One lucky donor can choose a species of bird to hunt to extinction
Mount Auburn Hospital: 20 percent more intravenous fluid for all stays over eight hours
Guitar Center: Any customer purchasing a bass guitar will be given an opportunity to try out for the assistant manager’s thrashcore band
Best Buy: Discounts on all items when you order them from Amazon instead
Dollar General: What more could you people possibly want from us?