Hey, you know what I’m in the mood for? A movie. I, like any regular non-famous person, work my buns off Monday through Friday at my nine-to-five office job, and now that the weekend’s almost here, it’s time to do something fun. Something as fun as paying full-price to go see a movie. But not just any movie. I’m thinking a movie with an A-list Hollywood star at the top of his game. I’m thinking a movie with my favorite actor, Nicolas Cage.
Now that’s the best idea I’ve had all week!
I love Nicolas Cage. As someone with absolutely no connection to the entertainment business, I’m amazed at his ability to always make good choices and totally reinvent himself in every role he takes on. He’s like a chameleon, but one who’s also relatable and engaging. And I, like you, have been waiting on the edge of my seat for his next film since his last masterpiece left the theaters. Whether you like heart- stopping action or wry, witty dialogue, you should go out and see it. Why wait to buy the Criterion Collection special edition DVD when you can watch it on the big screen? And bring friends!
Heck, I might have to go back three or four times before I get my fill. My desire to see the new Nic Cage movie is as real as the mustache on my face.
I know you’re all probably dying to watch it, too, and now’s the perfect time. It’s been a couple weeks since the movie came out, so you don’t have to worry about dealing with those huge opening-weekend crowds. And, boy, were there crowds! Because veteran actor Nicolas Cage is a star and people like his movies. The Rock was huge, guys! As was Con Air, Face/Off, Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, National Treasure, National Treasure: Book Of Secrets, and Bangkok Dangerous.
But Nic Cage can do more than adrenaline-pumped action blockbusters. He can also display real range and sensitivity, as he did in the critically acclaimed film Leaving Las Vegas, for which he won the 1995 Best Actor Oscar, beating out such perennial powerhouses as Anthony Hopkins and Sean Penn, and also picked up the top prize from the Golden Globes, Chicago Film Critics Association, the Screen Actors Guild, and the National Board of Review. If memory serves.
Of all his memorable roles in hit films like Snake Eyes, 8MM, Windtalkers, The Lord Of War, or even the movies he’s currently working on, such as Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans and Kick-Ass, I’m sure that Leaving Las Vegas must be the one that means the most to Nicolas Cage. Because he was admired so much by his peers that they bestowed upon him their highest honor. No matter what, I bet he can hold that little statue on long sleepless nights and remember how it felt to love what you do and pour your heart into a character. To show everyone that you really can act worth a damn. That you’re more than just some… some two-bit…
I’m not Nicolas Cage.
But I am an independent, unbiased fan of his work who will definitely go see his new movie this weekend, with my wife and three kids, who are also fans. In fact, my daughter Jennifer, a teenage girl, thinks he’s “cute.” Me, I just think he’s a phenomenal actor! See, that’s the great thing about Nicolas Cage movies: They’re fun for the whole family. And the more people who go see them, the more “bankable” Nicolas Cage becomes in the eyes of Hollywood producers, which in turn allows Nicolas Cage to make more movies. And then we all can have the pleasure of going to see them for years and years and years. As if I needed another reason to go watch this movie!
Again, as a completely disinterested party, I feel very strongly about this.
Face it: The guy’s on a roll. He’s made hit after hit after hit, so he doesn’t really need you to go out in huge numbers to see his new movie, per se. Nic Cage is a proven commodity and this film is getting all kinds of buzz and he’s happy with his career path and the work that he’s doing as an actor and in no ways feels like he’s betrayed his craft in the slightest. So he doesn’t need you at all. He doesn’t need anybody. Not you, not his greedy sleazeball agent who would sign him on to a goddamn Vagisil commercial if he thought he could make a couple bucks off it, and certainly not his uncle Francis. Why won’t his uncle Francis get off his back for once, anyway? Does he think it has been easy for Nicolas Cage to stand in his shadow? What has Francis done lately, huh? Who is he to judge? Oh, all of a sudden he’s too good to show up at Nicolas Cage’s annual Christmas party, huh? Even though he knows how much Nicolas Cage looks up to him and how he falls apart inside every time his uncle says something like, “Why don’t you do a small picture, something you can sink your teeth into?” But does he ever throw anything Nic Cage’s way? No. Nothing. Never. Because he’s a hypocrite and a has-been and—goddamn it, Nicolas Cage doesn’t need any of you fucking people. Just leave Nicolas Cage alone!
For show times and theaters near you, go to www.moviefone.com. The movie’s called Knowing.
