Does that pot over there look familiar to you? Over there, in Aisle 7, across from the deodorants? I know I’ve seen that box before. Was it in the Twin Lakes Walgreens? No, that’s not where it was. Hmm, where have I seen that—holy shit! That’s the pot that’s on TV!
What the hell is the name of it? Damn, it’s on the tip of my tongue. Pasta Pot? No. Pasta Premiere? No… Pasta Pro! That’s it! That’s the Pasta Pro!
Don’t look at it! Be cool. You know the pot—from that late-night commercial? Remember? “Pasta Pro is as easy as 1-2-3!” It’s the one where you just place your favorite pasta into the Pasta Pro and, when the pasta’s ready, turn the lid to the locked position, pour the water out, and keep the pasta in! Pasta Pro! C’mon, I’m sure you’ve seen the commercial. Well, you’d know it if you watched the midnight reruns of Roseanne on Channel 14. That pot’s totally famous. Do you think we should see if we can get our picture taken with it?
Man, I wonder what the hell the Pasta Pro is doing all the way out here in Litchfield. And why’s it in a pharmacy? Shouldn’t it be in California on the set of another commercial or something? You’d think it’d have something else lined up by now. Come to think of it, I’ve been seeing repeats of the same commercial for a while now. I hope the pot’s doing okay.
Don’t stare at it. That’s totally rude.
This is really exciting. My mom’s going to flip out when we tell her we saw that pot. Whenever that commercial comes on, she says how much she likes it. My dad can never understand why she has a thing for it. Hey, wait here. I’m going to go to the shampoo aisle and walk around so I can get a better look at it.
Don’t worry. I’ll be casual. It doesn’t know that we know what it is. Do you have your digital camera? Don’t get it out yet. Just hold on. Let me go over there. Let me be 100 percent sure that it’s the same pot.
Okay, now I’m positive that’s the pot from TV. The whole Pasta Pro posse is sitting there with it. You know—the durable pasta fork, the hand-held cheese grater, the Pasta Pro recipe guide, and the additional two-quart Pasta Pro. I am so freaking out!
Should we go over there? I don’t know. That just seems kinda weird. I’m sure that the pot is used to being noticed, but I’m not sure if we should try to pick it up. Maybe we should just leave it alone and let it do its thing. I’m not one of those losers that fawns over a kitchen appliance just because it’s been on TV. I mean, if it were the Ronco Electric Food Dehydrator, I wouldn’t care at all.
Tell you what, we’ll go and get that toothbrush and everything else that you need. If it’s still over in that aisle, we’ll go over. Who knows, maybe it needs a little help finding something to do here in Litchfield. Not like there’s a whole lot to do in this shithole town.
Yeah, I know you’ve seen the Chia Pet at the Spencer Gifts over in Round Lake. Who cares? The Chia Pet is washed up, man. It’s so 15 years ago. It’s just sad at this point. Its box is all faded and dusty. Even when it was new, it was dumb. I never understood why it was so popular.
And then, every time there’s a decent TV product, like the Liquid Leather repair kit or Pops-A-Dent, it seems to just fall off the face of the earth. I guess Mr. and Mrs. Joe Lunchpail don’t know how to respond to a product that’s actually innovative or useful.
I hope that doesn’t happen to the Pasta Pro. It totally has so much potential. The Pasta Pro’s lightweight design fits any stovetop and can be used to create an endless variety of your favorite dishes. Hey, remember this line? “You can quickly prepare delicious macaroni and cheese, linguini with clam sauce, or even brown sirloin beef for chili, without the mess.” That’s my favorite. Okay, okay. I know I’m acting like a nerd. Let’s just go get your toothbrush and then we’ll go over there, really quick, and not make a big deal about it.
This is going to be awesome. I can’t wait to tell all my friends.
