Mortified Tampax CEO Bursts Into Tears And Runs Out Of Boardroom After Tampon Falls Out Of Briefcase

CINCINNATI—Her face turning a deep shade of red as she realized that everyone around the conference table had seen it, Tampax CEO Daphne Simmons reportedly burst into tears and ran out of the boardroom Friday after a tampon fell out of her briefcase. “Oh my God, oh my God, this is so embarrassing,” said Simmons, who told reporters that the board members were probably laughing at her and texting all the shareholders of the company right now. “I’m never going to be able to show my face in a quarterly review meeting again. I’m gonna have to switch companies. I’m such a stupid moron.” At press time, Simmons was huddled over crying in her office suite’s private bathroom.