New Audubon Report Finds 78% Of Female Birds Sexually Harassed By Stranger Exposing Colorful Plumage

NEW YORK—An alarming report released Monday by the National Audubon Society revealed that, during their lifetimes, nearly four of every five female birds will be sexually harassed by complete strangers lewdly exposing their colorful plumage. “We knew that male birds sitting on branches in groups and making obscene calls to passing females was a nearly ubiquitous phenomenon, but the frequency with which unsuspecting avians of egg-producing age are subjected to lurid flourishes of multicolor tail feathers is really quite shocking,” said Katie Ulster, an ornithologist at Columbia University who headed up the survey, which also found that 48 percent of female birds exposed to such unsolicited displays of plumage had barely reached sexual maturity. “Unfortunately, incidences of a young sage grouse or a bird-of-paradise being followed back to her nest, hearing a sudden whistle, and then turning around only to see an array of garish plumes flapping wildly right in her face are all too common.” The report also published the disturbing findings that, after enduring such behavior, many female birds will often mate with their abusers for life.