Onion Sports presents its winners and losers from the opening week of the 2015 NFL season:
Winners
Tony Romo: Held tighter and for several moments longer than usual during postgame hug with Jerry Jones
New England Patriots: Operation Pyerun proceeding as planned
Peyton Manning’s Arm: Quietly enjoying second year of retirement
Losers
Houston Texans: Offense committed crucial mistake early in the game when they started Brian Hoyer
Ndamukong Suh: Had worst statistical performance of his career with just one stomped player
Terrell Suggs: Torn Achilles means career will surprisingly end from something other than criminal investigation
