Pharmaceutical Rep Assures Doctor He Personally Tries Every Drug He Promotes

NEW YORK—Saying he could vouch for the quality of every one of his company’s products, Eli Lilly pharmaceutical sales representative Geoffrey Klein reportedly assured a local primary care physician Thursday that he personally tries every single drug he promotes. “I’ve sampled each one of these, from the statins to the protease inhibitors, and I can honestly tell you that they’re all top-notch,” said Klein, adding that he only had positive things to say after trying out the osteoporosis medication Evista and the diabetes treatment Humulin. “Look, I popped a 100-milligram Seconal tablet a few hours ago before I came here, and I have to say, so far so good. And that one for pediatric growth disorders does a bang-up job. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.” At press time, Klein reportedly admitted that he had tried Bristol-Myers Squibb’s cancer drug Sprycel and was underwhelmed.