Butler Bulldogs Inspire Thousands Of Tall, Goony-Looking Midwestern Dorks

INDIANAPOLIS—Butler’s Final Four appearance—its second in as many years—has inspired and energized not only the state of Indiana but thousands of tall, awkward, acne-riddled Midwestern dopes who reportedly see a lot of themselves in the Division I basketball team. “The Bulldogs aren’t just a mid-major surprise anymore—they’re the real deal,” one lanky, bucktoothed 16-year-old goof told reporters Friday. “It just goes to show that you can make something of yourself even if you’re gangly, uncoordinated, and mostly made of elbows and knees. With an oversized head. And really droopy eyes. And pasty skin with weird freckles. And no friends.” Similarly, in Virginia, the bold, charismatic leadership of VCU’s head coach Shaka Smart has inspired two people with the first name Shaka.