This week in Indianapolis, the top NFL owning prospects in the country are gathering to prove that they have the raw skills it takes to be an NFL owner. The combine is the most important showcase for rich white businessmen will hundreds of millions of dollars on hand to prove they have what it takes to dominate an NFL franchise from the owner’s box. Here are some of the under-the-radar magnates who have emerged as legitimate owning prospects during the combine.
Tom Harthridge Will hire a firm to immediately redesign the uniform of any franchise he owns, ignore fan outcry and hide his initials somewhere in the new logo.
Brad Seaman His iron-fisted management of the two southeastern theme parks he owns suggests he has the capability to run the kind of cult of personality to provide a distraction to even the most seasoned team.
Maurice Kleminski Has hired and personally fired four CFOs as owner of Shop-Ease grocery stores, and promises to bring the same kind of fickle unpredictability to his NFL head coaching search.
Louis Michaels Is grooming his flaky, incompetent 45-year-old son to run his hard-won business into the ground.
James Donaldson, III His working-class-to-millionaire success story ensures that he has the kind of barely-subdued class resentment to make outbursts at overpaid players and his fellow owners a regular occurrence.
Nicholas Comigan Though 48 years old, the former software mogul believes himself to be NFL players’ peers and is sure to lead the league’s owners in lewd comments and tasteless graphic tee shirts.
