Padres Thought Everyone Who Missed Playoffs Was Supposed To Tear Down Stadium

SAN DIEGO—Befuddled San Diego Padres lead owner Jeff Moorad explained Monday that he was under the assumption that every team failing to make the playoffs ripped apart its stadium and rebuilt a new one for next year. “Wait, isn’t that the rule?” Moorad, flanked by the entire Padres roster, told reporters just after detonating the 20,000 sticks of dynamite required to reduce 6-year-old Petco Park to rubble. “You’re kidding me— We’re the only team who blew up our stadium? What about Baltimore? No? Shit.” Despite the powerful explosion that destroyed everything within a 3,500-foot radius of the blast, Tony Gwynn’s commemorative statue just outside the ballpark remained completely intact.