Pigeon To Invoke Power Of Flight

DES MOINES, IA—Belying its dull and unimpressive appearance, a pigeon shall, in a matter of moments, summon the power of flight, and climb ever upward to taste the skies. According to sources, no witness to this miracle of nature will suspect the mottled gray Columba livia domestica of such a feat, but after the creature takes to the air, all will liken it to an angel from heaven. After its 11th foot of aerial locomotion, sources report, the pigeon shall return to terra firma to pluck a carelessly discarded hot dog from the fertile earth, at which point it will once more alight to crap on the shoulder of Gary Bentoff, 34.