Shaken Attorney General Resigns After Learning What Murder Is

WASHINGTON—Attorney General Eric Holder turned in his letter of resignation to President Barack Obama Tuesday after discovering that people willfully participate in the killing of other human beings on a routine basis. “I am stunned,” a pale and shaking Holder said. “That’s just horrible. People really do that? My God, why?” Sources close to Holder said that he is seeking a position in which he will be less likely to encounter man’s inhumanity toward man, perhaps in child protective services.