FIFA Player Of The Year Ronaldo Almost Forgets To Thank His Feet

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND—Upon receiving the FIFA World Player of the Year award Monday, Manchester United winger Cristiano Ronaldo thanked his team, family, and friends before finally remembering to express gratitude to his feet of 23 years. “I can’t believe I forget my feet—I could never have accomplished this without them,” said Ronaldo, smiling sheepishly at his feet as he addressed the crowd attending the gala ceremony. “They have worked very hard this year, and I am very proud. They are the best feet. Their presence here today makes having Pele present the award even more of an honor, as I know my feet are very excited to meet his.” Ronaldo’s relationship with his feet has been tumultuous lately, as the young star recently blamed their erratic pedal work for the crash of his Ferrari 599 GTB last week.